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We love pens! Who wants to work in a paperless office and one without funny pens? You wouldn't be able to tell people what you are thinking when they try to steal yours, for a start! But now our collection of rude pens has the perfect choice for you. Have fun!

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text on one side reads No cunts today please

No Cunts Today Please Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 49)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads I cunt spell

I Cunt Spell Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 38)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I've stuck this pen up my fanny

Stuck this pen up my fanny Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 61)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Piss off, I'm busy!

Piss Off, I'm Busy Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 34)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Crazy cat lady

Crazy Cat Lady Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 04)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Pink and blue and purple text on one side reads Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck Pen

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold black text reads Full time cunt

Full time cunt Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 74)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Off you fuck!

Off you fuck Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 62)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads I work with idiots

I Work With Idiots Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 28)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I love cock

I Love Cock Pen

A white ballpoint pen with a dark red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I've stuck this pen up my bum

Stuck This Pen Up My Bum Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 16)

A white ballpoint pen with an orange grip and black ink. Brown text on one side reads I need a poo!

I Need A Poo! Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 14)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text reads I try not to swear but I cunt

I try not to swear Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 79)

A white ballpoint pen with a white grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I hate everyone

I Hate Everyone Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 35)

A white ballpoint pen with a orange grip and black ink. Black curvy text on one side reads Hands up who farted

Hands up who farted Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 60)

A white ballpoint pen with a yellow grip and black ink. Curvy pale yellow text with a black outline reads Filthy cum slut

Filthy Cum Slut Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 54)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink

Everyone Thinks You're A Cunt Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 07)

A white ballpoint pen with text on one side reads Don't steal my fucking pen!

Don't Steal My Fucking Pen Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 02)

A white ballpoint pen with a white grip and black ink. Rainbow coloured text reads Queer as fuck

Queer as fuck Pen

£1.25 GBP £2.75 GBP (PEN 82)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Black and pink text reads I'm craving dick

I'm craving dick Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 75)

A white ballpoint pen with a orange grip and black ink. Rounded bold black text reads I love anal

I love anal Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 71)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Winging it!

Winging It! Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 53)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads My fucking pen

My Fucking Pen Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 40)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Wake up be fabulous repeat

Wake Up Be Fabulous Repeat Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 26)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Blue and pink text reads I need wine

I need wine Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 83)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted pink bold text with a black outline reads total slag

£2.75 GBP (PEN 68)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Straight bold black uppercase text reads Sick of this shit

Sick of this shit Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 69)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted rainbow text reads Yasss Queen

Yasss Queen LGBTQ+ Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 55)

A white ballpoint pen with a yellow grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Fuck off

£2.75 GBP (PEN 30)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads I've just had an epic poo

I've Just Had An Epic Poo Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 29)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads Zero fucks given

Zero Fucks Given Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 20)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink

I Don't Have An Attitude Problem Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 01)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Bold black text on one side reads I love (heart symbol) my dog

I love my dog Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 64)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. black text on one side reads Huge Bellend

Huge Bellend Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 13)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Alexa, send wine!

Alexa, Send Wine Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 32)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Bold blue and pink text reads I hate everyone

I hate everyone Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 73)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I love wanking

I Love Wanking Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 43)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I'm weird, deal with it!

I'm Weird Deal With It Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 39)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Fuck this shit!

Fuck This Shit Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 24)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text on the side reads I love my cats

I Love My Cats Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 23)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Bored of this meeting

Bored Of This Meeting Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 21)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip. Black text reads Cunty bollocks

Cunty Bollocks Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 17)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black text reads Could have been an email

Could have been an email Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 84)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black curvy text on one side reads Pen clicking cunt

Pen Clicking Cunt Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 59)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink. Black typewriter text reads Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 06)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Pink text on one side reads Prosecco princess

Prosecco Princess Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 03)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black rounded text reads Fresh out of fucks

Fresh out of fucks Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 89)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text reads Fuck off back to economy

Fuck off back to economy Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 81)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Bold purple text one side Best employee ever!

Best employee ever! Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 72)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Alternating deep red and blue text reads Fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck off

Fuck this Fuck that Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 70)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold rounded black uppercase text along one side reads I take no shit

I take no shit Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 65)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Bold black and red capital letters read I hate people

I hate people Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 58)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Do epic shit!

Do Epic Shit Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 51)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads TikTok Twat

TikTok Twat Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 47)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads Big Gay Pen

Big Gay Pen Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 45)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Purple text on one side reads Not a morning person

Not A Morning Person Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 36)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Text reads Warning! This pen is fucking rude

Warning! This Pen Is Fucking Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 33)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Text on one side reads What can I fuck up today?

What Can I Fuck Up Today? Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 27)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink

Today's Mood Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 25)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Everyone can fuck right off

Everyone Can Fuck Right Off Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 19)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink

£2.75 GBP (PEN 15)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink

Today Is A Lovely Day For You To Fuck Off Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 11)

A white ballpoint pen with a dark blue grip and black ink

Don't Blame Me I Voted Remain Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 09)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text reads I shit rainbows.

I Shit Rainbows Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 08)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. White text in a red box reads Proud to be Woke

Proud to be woke Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 91)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black and red text reads I love (heart) gay

£2.75 GBP (PEN 90)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Black and brown text reads I always poo on work time

I always poo on work time Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 88)

<p> A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black and red text reads Cunt alert!

£2.75 GBP (PEN 87)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text reads I'd rather be hiking

I'd rather be hiking Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 86)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black text that reads Not dead yet

Not dead yet Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 85)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black ands red text reads Best boss ever

Best boss ever Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 80)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text reads Today is a lovely day to stay the fuck out of my way

Today is a lovely day Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 78)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow coloured text reads Love is love

Love is love Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 77)

A white ballpoint pen with a purple grip and black ink. Black text reads Bored as fuck

Bored as fuck Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 76)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Capitalised red and deep blue text along one side reads World's best arsehole

World's best arsehole Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 67)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Bold rounded black uppercase text along one side reads I give no fucks

I give no fucks Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 66)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Office bitch

Office Bitch Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 63)

A white ballpoint pen with a black grip and black ink. Lower case text reads Have you had your wank today?

Have you had your wank today Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 57)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Slanted purple and pink text reads Wake up Alcohol Repeat

Wake up Alcohol Repeat Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 56)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red text on one side reads Stay the fuck away

Stay The Fuck Away Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 52)

A white ballpoint pen with a pink grip and black ink. Rainbow text on one side reads Have a nice gay

Have A Nice Gay Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 50)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads I hate my boss

I Hate My Boss Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 46)

A white ballpoint pen with a blue grip and black ink. Text on one side reads Needy attention sponge.

Needy Attention Sponge Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 44)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Today needs a stronger drink than coffee and a ruder word than fuck

Today Needs A Stronger Drink Than Coffee Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 37)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Red and black text on one side reads Being a useless tosser is all part of my charm

Being A Useless Tosser Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 31)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink

Did I Tell You I Was Vegan Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 22)

A white ballpoint pen with a red grip and black ink. Black text on one side reads Office wanker.

Office Wanker Pen

£2.75 GBP (PEN 10)

A white ballpoint pen with a green grip and black ink

Santa Thinks You're A Cunt Pen

3 FOR 2 ON ALL PENS!! - Discount will be applied at checkout

We love pens! Who wants to work in a paperless office and one without funny pens? You wouldn't be able to tell people what you are thinking when they try to steal yours, for a start! But now our collection of rude pens has the perfect choice for you. Have fun!

Of course, you can find some of our signature rude and some may say offensive phrases on these, but we have also some lovely ones. They are also like little Pokemon ... gotta collect them all. They look perfect on your desk or kitchen table in a little pen pot all cute and sweary ready to surprise an unsuspecting visitor.